What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied

What is bullying?

Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that

is intentional and that involves an imbalance of

power or strength. A child who is being bullied has

a hard time defending himself or herself. Usually,

bullying is repeated over time. Bullying can take

many forms, such as hitting or punching (physical

bullying); teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying);

intimidation using gestures or social exclusion

(nonverbal bullying or emotional bullying); and

sending insulting messages by phone or computer

e-mail (cyberbullying).

Effects of bullyingBullying can have serious consequences. Children

and youth who are bullied are more likely than

other children to

• Be depressed, lonely, anxious;

• Have low self-esteem;

• Be absent from school;

• Feel sick; and

• Think about suicide.Reporting bullying to parents

Children frequently do not tell their parents that

they are being bullied because they are

embarrassed, ashamed, frightened of the children

who are bullying them, or afraid of being seen as a

“tattler.” If your child tells you about being bullied, it

has taken a lot of courage to do so. Your child

needs your help to stop the bullying.What to do if your child is being bullied

1. First, focus on your child. Be supportive and gather

information about the bullying.

• Never tell your child to ignore the bullying. What

the child may “hear” is that you are going to

ignore it. If the child were able to simply ignore

it, he or she likely would not have told you about

it. Often, trying to ignore bullying allows it to

become more serious.

• Don’t blame the child who is being bullied. Don’t

assume that your child did something to provoke

the bullying. Don’t say, “What did you do to

aggravate the other child?”

• Listen carefully to what your child tells you about

the bullying. Ask him or her to describe who was

involved and how and where each bullying

episode happened.

• Learn as much as you can about the bullying

tactics used, and when and where the bullying

happened. Can your child name other children or

adults who may have witnessed the bullying?

• Empathize with your child. Tell him/her that bullying

is wrong, not their fault, and that you are glad he or

she had the courage to tell you about it. Ask your

child what he or she thinks can be done to help.

Assure him or her that you will think about what

needs to be done and you will let him or her know

what you are going to do.

• If you disagree with how your child handled the

bullying situation, don’t criticize him or her.

• Do not encourage physical retaliation (“Just hit

them back”) as a solution. Hitting another

student is not likely to end the problem, and it

could get your child suspended or expelled or

escalate the situation.

These and other materials are available online at: www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

• Check your emotions. A parent’s protective

instincts stir strong emotions. Although it is

difficult, a parent is wise to step back and

consider the next steps carefully.

2. Contact your child’s teacher or principal.

• Parents are often reluctant to report bullying to

school officials, but bullying may not stop

without the help of adults.

• Keep your emotions in check. Give factual

information about your child’s experience of

being bullied including who, what, when, where,

and how.

• Emphasize that you want to work with the staff at

school to find a solution to stop the bullying, for

the sake of your child as well as other students.

• Do not contact the parents of the student(s) who

bullied your child. This is usually a parent’s first

response, but sometimes it makes matters worse.

School officials should contact the parents of the

child or children who did the bullying.

• Expect the bullying to stop. Talk regularly with

your child and with school staff to see whether

the bullying has stopped. If the bullying persists,

contact school authorities again.

3. Help your child become more resilient to bullying.

• Help to develop talents or positive attributes of

your child. Suggest and facilitate music, athletics,

and art activities. Doing so may help your child

be more confident among his or her peers.

• Encourage your child to make contact with friendly

students in his or her class. Your child’s teacher may

be able to suggest students with whom your child

can make friends, spend time, or collaborate on

work.

• Help your child meet new friends outside of the

school environment. A new environment can

provide a “fresh start” for a child who has been

bullied repeatedly.

• Teach your child safety strategies. Teach him or

her how to seek help from an adult when feeling

threatened by a bully. Talk about whom he or she

should go to for help and role-play what he or

she should say. Assure your child that reporting

bullying is not the same as tattling.

• Ask yourself if your child is being bullied because

of a learning difficulty or a lack of social skills? If

your child is hyperactive, impulsive, or overly

talkative, the child who bullies may be reacting

out of annoyance. This doesn’t make the bullying

right, but it may help to explain why your child is

being bullied. If your child easily irritates people,

seek help from a counselor so that your child can

better learn the informal social rules of his or her

peer group.

• Home is where the heart is. Make sure your child

has a safe and loving home environment where he

or she can take shelter, physically and emotionally.

Always maintain open lines of communication withyour child.

References

Olweus, D. (1993). Bullying At school: What we know and what we can do. Cambridge, MA: Blackwell.

Snyder, J. M. (February, 2003) What Parents Can Do About Childhood Bullying. Schwab Learning Center, (www.schwablearning.org) Charles and

Helen Schwab Foundation. Retrieved August 12, 2005, from http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=697

What Parents Should Know about Bullying (2002). Prevention Child Abuse America Publication. South Deerfiled, MA. (1-800-835-2671.